i think my mom watched the whole time
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
