How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
