I seem to have left my pride at pride
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Randomize
