god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
