True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
