ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
