the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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