i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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