awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
