i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she smelled like a LAN party
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
