He disabled his match.com account in front of me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
