Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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