The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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