You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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