so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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