so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
