and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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