she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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