when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
