This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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