My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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