I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
