that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
