You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
