God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
