i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
