Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
