Where is the hickey?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
