When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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