I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
