Rock
Scissors
Fuck
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
