you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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