She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i came on her dog
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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