i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
