dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
