there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
