It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
