you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
