Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I need to calm my uterus...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
