Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
