I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
