just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
