So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
