Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
