just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
