Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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