they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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