Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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