who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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