I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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