id be glad to
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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