I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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