I wanna bring you to show and tell
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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