she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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