Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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