Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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