I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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