dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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