im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
