there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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