dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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