Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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