i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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