I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
