Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
