It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
