My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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