My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
