He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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