Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
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