the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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