He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
