Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize