i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
