clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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