you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
