Sponge bath it is.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
