hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
