So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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