if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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