He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You've changed since you got that strap on
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
