if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
