Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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