I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
