It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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