The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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