Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
