I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Someone came in the potted fern
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize