I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
