Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
