i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
