your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
