i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
