Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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