Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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