he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
