I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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