What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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